it’s the first edition of Year Two. i just dragged all the folders for the first 52 editions into a new folder labeled Year One and then created a new folder and called it Year Two and this is the first subfolder in that folder.
doesn’t feel like a new year, does it! well, in many ways, it isn’t. not much new around here, i don’t think. i finally got a table to put my record player on. one of my speakers fits right underneath it. they say you aren’t supposed to put record players on the same piece of furniture as the speakers they are piping music into because it could cause them to skip, or something. so i’m taking a gamble there.
i think i pretty much just need a little rug in some kind of not-rectangle shape, to fit into that little corner of my little living room, and i’ll be about set. there’s a nice inviting spread of blank wall right above the record player’s new home, too, and i’m trying to figure out what kind of art to put there.
i also got a new plant. and a new mirror. and i made some tomato soup this week. things are feeling pretty domestic over here. pretty cozy. which is good, because it’s colder than a well-digger’s ass out there recently. cozy is a must.
let’s get into it, the inaugural edition of four things season 2.
1. painting study
it’s the first week of a new era. and as promised, here are some studies i did this week. i wonder what i’m going to put as the preview image for this issue? not a painting, probably! i guess probably poutine!
long time readers will know that i have struggled with painting clouds in the past. even medium-time readers will probably know that. i sort of got better at it by Q4 of last year so short-time readers may be confused at this point. for which i apologize. but this week i decided to dig back through the ol’ Google Photos archive and do some cloud studies from reference.
here’s one shot. from my balcony, how about that. lots going on here. i cut some small chunks out that i thought would be interesting. there’s too much going on in the whole big sky for it to be useful study material, i decided. better to focus on small little groupings rather than let myself get overwhelmed by the whole thing.
and the second group. same place. how lucky am i. i mean look at that view. how lucky am i to live here, in the best ecoregion on planet earth. and to have a balcony, too. a premium ecoregion and a premium balcony. what a gift.
i guess i’m not totally sure how to write about these, in fact. there are some definite observations we can make here. one major difference between digital painting and physical painting, i.e. with oils etc., is the brushes. just no getting around it. it’s really hard to simulate a “real” brush with a glassy screen and a little stylus. so as a result, there are thousands of different approximations of “real” brushes in the painting app and they all behave in slightly different ways.
i’ve written about this before. so one big struggle, even before you get to the subject matter itself, is finding brushes you like and getting comfortable with them. they have a big impact on what you’re able to do. a lot of digital artists will tell you not to focus on the brushes you’re using, that you can do everything you need to do with Round Hard Brush 01 if you use it well, and that is technically true. but some things are just easier to do with different brushes.
i wonder if that GIF will actually work?
2. customer support
Hi! You’re now chatting with a digital member of Amazon’s Order Support Team. You can ask me questions, or check our order status FAQ for solutions to common problems. How can I help you today?
Check order status please
I can definitely check on the status of your order. What’s the order number?
AZ48893-0024
Thanks! One moment while I check on that for you.
Just to confirm, you want to know the order status of order AZ48893-0024 - Amazon Homestead Essentials USA Premium Mulch Bagged Pack of 18?
Yes
Thanks! One moment while I check on that for you.
It looks like order AZ48893-0024 - Amazon Homestead Essentials USA Premium Mulch Bagged Pack of 18 was delivered on Tuesday May 15.
Really? Well, We never got it. Its Friday, wouldn’t it be here by now?
It sounds like you have a question about your order status. Is that correct?
Yes. It wasn’t delivered
It sounds like you have an issue with your delivery. Is that correct?
Yes. Can I just talk to someone about it?
As a digital member of Amazon’s Order Support Team, I’m designed to be up to 150% as effective as a human member, and can handle most of your support questions myself! It sounds like you have an issue with your delivery. Is that correct?
Yes i told you that. can i just talk to a human support person please? we never got the delivery and this is the third time this has happenled
*happened
It sounds like you’d like to talk to a human support member. There may be a delay in connecting you as we are currently experiencing larger than normal support inquiry volume. As a digital member of Amazon’s Order Support Team, I’m designed to be up to 150% as effective as a human member, and can handle most of your support questions myself!
Yes, please connect me to a human, i can wait
Okay! I’m transferring your chat to the human support queue. You’ll receive an audio notification when a human support member is connected. Please don’t close the app or turn off your phone. Thanks for chatting with me today! Here’s a link to provide feedback about your support experience.
Support member has transferred your chat to Amazon Human-Powered Support Queue (Powered by T-Mobile™)
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Amazon Mike B has joined the chat
Hi! You’re now chatting with Mike B, an Amazon Human-Powered Support Member (Powered by T-Mobile™). It looks like you have an issue with your delivery, is that correct? How can I help?
Hi mike. Our package never showed up. it says it was delivered on the 15th but we definitely never got it an
Okay, I have your order number here. Let’s see if I can figure out what happened.
*and this is the third time this same stuff hasn’t showed up so i just want to see what’s going on or what we need to do to fix this or whatever
Sorry hit enter too soon haha
No problem. I’m looking at your order now. Looks like it was delivered Tuesday to an address on National Forest Road 4621. Does that sound familiar?
Well, not an address, but yes we’re on NF4621.
Right, sorry, I’m seeing that now, it’s a coordinate, not an address. Looks like the parcel was delivered to 45.05290635361211, -122.08609742157218? Does that sound familiar?
Wow well i dont know exactly what our thing is at that level of precise. One sec let me check that
No problem.
Looks like ours is 45.056334295179056, -122.09063590988055 based on Google. that looks different, right?
Yes, it does look different. One moment, let me check on that for you.
I put yours in and its almost right, the one you had is further east down the road but not that far. I think there might be another place up there, maybe that’s what happened?
That is a possibility. Our GPS equipment sometimes has issues with coverage out there. We’re working to upgrade it. In the meantime I’m pulling the delivery footage from the van, so we can see where exactly that got delivered. One moment while I check on that for you.
OK. was this a drone or was there a driver? we started putting some additional descriptions of our place in the order thing but i never know who sees those or if they get checked.
Unfortunately I’m not able to disclose whether the van was operated by an Amazon Human Partner or Amazon Digital Member. But we do use those additional descriptions to help with delivery when we need to, so let’s take a look at that too.
Oh, sorry, i didn’t know
No problem. While I’m checking the delivery footage we can review your additional address information on the order. Looks like you have “When you turn east off of NF4620 we’re on the left right before the curve. It’s a blue A-frame with a yard out front, there might be a couple pigs wandering around. Silver Tesla pickup is usually parked in the driveway. We should be home or in the back.” Does that sound right?
Yes, that’s what i put, i guess I’m not sure which way they would come out from Portland or whatever so maybe I mixed it up a little bit but i think that’s right. I guess that probably doesnt mean much to you haha
I am actually located in Portland at the moment. I drive a route near there sometimes, in fact. We have lots of things going out to that area these days.
Oh really? Wow. I hope you’re staying safe! we don’t know that many people there anymore but some of the stuff I hear sounds like it’s pretty wild. Wasn’t there a big strike or something going on out there? some fires and looting and stuff?
Our Portland headquarters is perfectly safe and the situation is under control and being handled by the appropriate federal agencies. I’m fortunate enough to have a room in our local Amazon Core Facility so please don’t worry about me! Looks like the footage of that delivery has been identified. I’m sharing the video with you now, it should come up in your app without closing this chat. Please let me know when you’re seeing it.
oh that’s good, it sounded kinda scary. Federal agencies. i miss it sometimes but i’m glad we’re out here now haha
Yep, I see the video now
Amazon is happy to hear that you’re enjoying your Homestead experience. This is the footage starting about 2 minutes before delivery, looks like the van is still on NF4620. Turning right…
Can you mute the audio? the music is pretty loud.
I apologize for that. I’ll be sure to make a note in the driver file as well. Should be muted now. We’re on NF4621 now… slowing down…
I think they might have passed it
Stopping. Here’s where the delivery was made. Does this look familiar? I see an A-frame cabin and a Tesla pickup…
That’s definitely not our place. its a little grainy but I think that truck is blue right?. That A-frame is blue too but we usually park on the other side
Yeah that’s definitely a blue truck not silver
You can see there, the order gets dropped off right by that truck. I believe you’re correct. Looks like we delivered to the wrong location. I apologize for the error and I will be sure to credit your account for the order. Would you like to have a replacement order shipped?
Yes, that would be great, that would be good. We were hoping to do some yard work this weekend, how soon do you think you could deliver it? I mean it’s not a huge rush but
I can see about expediting the delivery on your order, absolutely. Looks like we have a van that could get it to you by about 9PM tonight.
That wouldbe great if you could. Can you tell the driver to cut the lights while they deliver so they don’t wake us up? we might be in bed by then. and try not to wake the animals up i mean i don’t know if they can do it quietly or what but.. Also like i said this has happened before so I don’t know if there’s a way to update our file or make a note or something on our account or whatever.
Absolutely. I will add a note in the driver file so they don’t make this mistake again. Your new order should appear on your account within 10 minutes. You’ll be able to check its status from your app. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
No that’s it. thank you so much! and stay safe up there.
Thank you, it was my pleasure to assist you today. If you have a moment to fill out a quick survey, my performance review is based on customer satisfa–
Customer has left the chat
3. poutine III
i’m playing with fire with the length of this one. a long block of text and a GIF of a painting and now also a bunch of pictures of poutine? if only there was some way to know how much stuff i was actually allowed to cram into one of these newsletters before i slam into the limit like a swimmer doing backstroke who missed the flags.
it’s poutine again this week.
this is a pretty basic recipe. there are really only three things that go into it: gravy, cheese, and fries. those are the three dials you can turn. when i’ve made this in the past the gravy has been medium-to-bad, and vegan cheese is always a wild card, but it’s pretty hard to screw up french fries.
here’s the gravy stuff for this attempt. mushrooms, cornstarch, green onion, vegan worcestershire sauce, balsamic vinegar, some soy sauce, plant milk, veggie broth, and a shallot. pretty straightforward.
as usual, it’s garlic and shallots and onions first for a bit, then mushrooms for a few. the mushrooms give off a lot of moisture, which is always surprising. it seems like it evaporates less in a pot like this than in like a skillet. after these cook down for a bit the other flavorings go in, and then the cornstarch. the broth and milk get whisked in at the very end and then you let it simmer for just a few and then blend it so it’s smooth.
i was considering triple-frying these for extra crunch, but that process is actually way more involved than I realized and it was already getting kind of late. you’re supposed to fry them gently once at a lower temp then throw them in the freezer for a while, which i guess freezers are also good at drying things out as well as freezing them. eating poutine at 930pm? normal. but eating poutine at 1150pm? bad. so i just double-fried these (once at like ~325, then again at like ~375)
there’s a vegan cheese shop here in portland i’ve been meaning to get stuff from for months now, but i’ve never actually set aside the time. it’s on the other side of the river. so. you know. pretty out of the way. but this is their mozzarella, which is generally a pretty good substitute for cheese curds when you’re talking vegan cheese. categorizing vegan cheese into specific categories like “mozzarella” and “cheddar” as if it’s real cheese is a little silly anyway, i think. it doesn’t really work like that. they’re all pretty similar.
i threw this under the broiler for about 5-10 minutes to soften the cheese up. i read back through my previous attempts and noticed that was an issue, so in addition to not over-salting the gravy this time i tried to correct a couple of the other mistakes.
it sort of softens up but you can see it does not really want to “melt.”
gloop on some gravy.
i topped it with some more mozzarella chunks and threw it back under the broiler, to keep things hot while softening that cheese. then i pulled it out and sprinkled some pepper and green onion slices on top. after i took these pics i scraped it all into a different bowl because that skillet was hot as shit. ripping hot.
i guess that’s what they’re for.
4. bread
i made a loaf of bread this week. not something i usually do. not something i have a lot of familiarity with. but in addition to the mozzarella mentioned above, i got some “cheddar” at the vegan cheese shop and wanted to make grilled cheese sandwiches to go with the tomato soup i also made. i did a lot of cooking this week, i guess.
i used a bread recipe that was allegedly quick, and did not require a lot of kneading and rising and waiting etc. or less than usual anyway. flour, water, yeast, a little salt, and a hot oven with a pizza stone. you make the bread into a ball and it sits on the counter while the oven heats up with your pizza stone in it and then you transfer it to the oven and that’s it. bread.
i was about halfway through this process when i realized i had no idea how to get the dough ball onto the pizza stone. you can’t really just grab it around its middle and hoist it in there. that would make it all blobby and then the pizza stone is way too hot to adjust it around and re-form it into a loaf shape and it’s too late then anyway. the recipe website suggested you flour up a piece of cardboard and put the dough ball on that, so you could sort of tip it forward and just scooch it off onto the pizza stone. but i didn’t have any cardboard. or anything resembling cardboard.
and besides, i had already formed the dough into a ball on my cutting board. it was well floured but not that well. i just didn’t really think about it. the cutting board was pretty heavy, too — not the kind of thing i thought i could hold in one hand and scooch the dough ball off with the other. a dense board. unwieldy.
the funny part, to me, was realizing all of this well after i was committed, but well before i had to actually transfer the dough. the dough ball was on the cutting board, a mistake in hindsight but, well, too late now. the oven was preheating but i had a good 20 minutes just to sit there. i ran through all the options and possibilities pretty quick, it’s not like there were that many different paths forward. i didn’t have anything flatter and lighter than my cutting board to put the dough on and later scooch it off of. i could bail on the bread altogether but that felt like a pretty big overreaction, and besides, i wanted to eat some bread. what it came down to was i was just going to have to try and hold the cutting board up with one hand and scooch with the other, and hope i had pulled the oven rack out far enough that the dough ball landed about where it should, and hope that i wouldn’t fumble the cutting board and drop the dough ball into the depths of my oven or onto my floor or who knows where, and that i wouldn’t graze any part of my hand against any part of the oven while i was doing this awkward maneuver.
well, nothing else for it. you just have to go for it, sometimes. you just gotta do something you’ve never done before and don’t feel comfortable doing at all and see how it goes. you just gotta think to yourself, well, we’re in it now. we’re committed. we’re sitting here waiting but waiting won’t change anything and we eventually are gonna have to awkwardly scooch that bread onto that pizza stone.
and hell, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?
that’s it for this week! thanks as always for reading. have a good week everyone. see ya next tuesday. bye.
That exchange with customer support was hilarious, as well as sad. Reminds me of my discussions with Walgreen's customer support about stopping their endless weekly refill notifications for a prescription I had cancelled. Oy.